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  • April 2010
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Grilled

Well I finally got them…….oh yes I finally got them!! Right now Debbie is happy as a lark and I am climbing out of my skin! Full braces are a bitch! Yes I know, thousands of kids right now are walking around them and are fine, but me, well I am going nuts!! They say adults have a little more trouble adjusting in the beginning and I have two adult friends who have them on and seem to be doing just fine. Maybe I need to just get used to them and go with it, but these last two days, they are driving me bonkers!

Before The Braces - Fixing The Space

I got grilled at our local orthodontist Dr Kirby Nelson. He came well recommended and his staff are very friendly! All the girls are very nice and also very cute….. sorry honey……just saying! I went in with some trepidation as I realized this would be approximately a two-year ordeal. But instead of backing out or postponing the inevitable, I made the commitment and got er done! As I have said before, I am a wuss when it comes to anything dental and this was no exception! The actually experience of the braces being put on wasn’t that bad and took about an hour and a half to complete. Then it was totally weird! I was leaving with a mouthful of foreign objects that felt absolutely strange! Then trying to eat something was even more bizarre! They had told me to go and eat something big right after because as time wore on, my teeth would start getting sore. Examples given where a big hamburger and fries etc! What!!!!!????? They must have been kidding! I barely managed to gum a pre made omelet from Schwan’s and some soup! You see, I have a big fat face………..shut up……with big fat cheeks………again shut up! My cheeks are as big on the inside as they are on the outside……….what…….are you still making fun of me?! I had grills on all the way back, even my wisdom teeth and with every bite, I was gnawing on the inside of my cheeks! I felt like a newborn just learning to eat solid foods after being on the tit! Then there is the drool as you chew, what the f**k? Hell, I need a bib now! Now I can’t decide whether I am a newborn gnawing or an old man who slobbers on himself!

The Braces Are On!

So far so good though and off to work I went then for the rest of the evening, things got slowly worse. I don’t know if you, dear reader, have ever had full mouth braces and experienced what I am experiencing, but I started going berserk! I am not sure what the problem is but I became very agitated and fidgety! Now remember, I drive a bus for a living and there I was barely able to keep myself in the seat! It wasn’t pain that was bugging me but the fact that my teeth were slowly starting to be pulled and they didn’t like it, neither did I!!! It made for a very long night and luckily I had a bottle os salt water I used to swish around at each layover! By the time I drove home, I was ready to drive the car into a mountain side!! When I got home, I discovered a wonderful remedy! I took a big shot of whiskey and just let it slowly swish around over my teeth and gums. After the initial burn wore off it was great at anesthetizing the pain and then swallowing helped me too!!

Trying To Smile

Along came day two which I was told would most likely be the worst day of them all and so far, they were absolutely right non target! The slow and deliberate movement has begun and my teeth are crying foul! This constant dull throb of this pull is continuing to have me roaming around the house like a madman! The fact that there is no escape from it I think is making me so crazy! Eating any thing of substance is almost impossible right now but that’s okay because I have no appetite! Hey I may even shed a few unwanted pounds during this ordeal which would be a good thing! So far the insides of my cheeks and lips aren’t real sore but it’s only been two days and I know that’s coming down the road. They gave me wax to put over the offending protuberances, but I have not yet been able to figure out how to make the wax stay on without breaking apart and just falling off. Until then, I must cross my fingers I don’t need it but I am noticing I am sucking in on my teeth which brings lips and cheeks constantly. Well I am sure you’ve heard enough and okay, I am being a pussy about it, but that’s my prerogative!  For now soup and liquid beverages, and pain medication are going to be my friends. Now where is my whiskey to bathe these sore bastards!

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