• Follow me on Twitter

  • Blog Stats

    • 22,131 hits
  • Archives

  • July 2019
    M T W T F S S
    « Jun    
    1234567
    891011121314
    15161718192021
    22232425262728
    293031  
  • Advertisements

Ralph — The Hen

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Ralph..’

Ralph was stunned.
‘I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’

St. Peter said, ‘I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.’

Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. ‘So, you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?’

‘Not bad,’ replied Ralph the hen, ‘but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I’m gonna explode!’

‘You’re ovulating,’ explained the rooster. ‘Don ‘t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before?’

‘Never,’ said Ralph.

‘Well, just relax and let it happen,’ says the rooster. ‘It’s no big deal.’

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg — his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell…..’Ralph! Wake up! You shit the bed!’

Advertisements

Sick Thoughts

Yes I am sick and have been all week and have also been off work for the last three days, so I thought I’d take a moment and write a post since it has been awhile. What did you think I meant? I hate being sick, like most I assume. I am miserable! I am on the tail end of this crud though and I hope I am feeling better tomorrow, because it’s the big game!!! More on that later!!! If the game were today, I would have to drag myself there!!

So I haven’t written since before Christmas so how was yours? We had a nice one although I had to work that evening. Ryan came over Christmas Eve and spent the night. Alex and Mo came over that morning and we opened presents and celebrated. Even though we had promised to keep our spending down a bit this year, I think we all enjoyed what we received. I got a nice new leather jacket, new photo editing software, cologne, books, and a poker set!!! That was a surprise since I don’t play. It is really nice and we did play on New Year’s Eve. I also got a new phone, but it really wasn’t a present, well maybe for myself. After much prodding from Debbie to join the 21st Century and get a better phone with web and email capabilities, I finally jumped ship with AT&T and went with T-Mobile and got a new Wing Phone!! It is really cool and I am glad I finally did. It only costs me $20 a month than I was paying before with just phone service. Now I have web and email on my phone!!! Yes I know, I am a late bloomer when it comes to the latest technology!!

Debbie didn’t do too bad with her Christmas either. Among her many presents, she also got a Garmin Nuvu 760 GPS for her car! We had to order it online and it was back-ordered until it was finally delivered yesterday. She played with it all last night……… the Nuvu……. that is! It has blue tooth and syncs up with her Blackberry so she can actually use her phone through her GPS. It even uses the Blackberry voice recognition and she can just talk to make calls. All hands free which is good since it will be used in the car most of the time. The great thing is, that it is not in dash and we can also take it with us on hikes or walks and know where we are all the time. Is that too important?

New Year’s was fun. It was the first holiday of the season that I didn’t have to work. I decided to take a week’s vacation just so I would have it. Our friends Kevin and Tori Hillstrom and Larry and Lynette came over to our house. We broke out my new poker set and Kevin taught me the ins and outs of Texas Hold em! I can’t say I am ready for the Casinos yet, but I did learn a bunch. We had a great time and Larry and Lynette stayed over since their drive back home was quite long. Larry and I played a little too hard with night caps of Tequila shots. Needless to say neither of us felt to good the next morning. Maybe that’s what reduced my immunity that allowed these vicious germs to sneak aboard and wreck the havoc they have all week in my body!!!

We Are Cheesheads!


Like I said earlier, the big game is tomorrow and if you know me, well enough said. It’s the big playoff game between the Packers and Seahawks! I am actually nervous even though the game is in Green Bay. The Packers are the youngest team in the NFL, and I am worried about all these young players and how they will act in their first playoff game. I am sure the Seahawks will be playing with allot of heart, so the Pack better be ready. I hope I am ready!!! Our Club The Northwest Packer Backers is the biggest Packer Club in the whole Northwest and we are even on the radar of our local TV stations. Fox News 13 will be on hand sometime tomorrow covering the fans at the game. Hell, you might even see Deb and I on TV!!! Well I have to dose myself with some more Mucinex and chill out for awhile. Catch Ya Later!!!

%d bloggers like this: