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The Ant And The Grasshopper

This  one is a little different….
Two  Different Versions …
Two  Different Morals

OLD  VERSION

The  ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The  grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come  winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The  grasshopper has no  food or shelter, so he dies  out in the cold.

MORAL  OF THE OLD STORY:

Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN  VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come  winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide  pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit  the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green …’

Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the SEIU group singing, ‘We Shall Overcome’.

Then Rev Al Sharpton’s assistant has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper
while he damns the ants. The Reverend Al cannot attend as he has contractual commitments to appear on his MSNBC show for which he is paid over two million dollars a year to complain that rich people do not care.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview on ‘The View’ that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the ‘Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act’ retroactive to the beginning of
the  summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The  story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper  is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken
over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous, and peaceful neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of  the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Befree lo careful how you vote in 2016.

Some People Just Remain Morons

Today was trash day in the neighborhood. Now that is just Deb and I, we usually can get by just putting it out every other week, hence ours was still in the garage. It was a calm morning in the “hood”, no wind to speak off and yet upon leaving for work, I drive off to find packing peanuts all over the place! It never ceases to amaze me the lack of common sense some people continue to live with. First off, we live in a very windy area especially in the winter but that cannot be considered an excuse for today’s littering! Stupidity, laziness, or just plain ignorance can! I am almost positive I know who the offender is as I have dealt with their trash and recycling all over the street ever since they moved in, but cannot absolutely prove it this time but I shall rant once more probably in vain! Is it really that hard to figure out how NOT to have your trash littering the neighborhood on hellish windstorms as they usually come on trash day or the night before?! Most in the neighborhood have finally figured that one out by now! Now why can’t one figure out why packing peanuts end up all over the place when placed loosely in the bin? Gee does it make sense that they wouldn’t? Do you think the trash guy has time to carefully place your lighter than air foam peanuts into his trash truck without spilling them all over the place? Does he have the time to pick them up when he does? I think not! Hey MORONS, whever you are, do all of your neighbors a favor and try using your heads! Bag your foam packing nuts tightly before tossing them into the garbage bin! Better yet, take them up to the local UPS Store where they will be used again! Now get out there and clean up your mess! Can you tell I am not in the greatest of moods?

The Return to Running Odyssey

Yes after over four weeks of sitting on my ever widening and not so tight ass, I finally put on the running shoes and headed out the door. It was not a pretty sight mind you! I had really slacked off and had 1027 excuses not to do it  some of which include: my back hurts, my butt hurts, my head hurts, that hang nail in my little toe is bugging me, my right nut didn’t descend this morning, it is snowing, it is raining, it is Thanksgiving, it is Christmas, I’m sick, I wanna get drunk, I’m hung over from getting drunk, can’t blink my left eye, this TV show is interesting, football is on, lying here on the couch feels sooooo good, I’m hungry, too full, too fat, need to puke….it could go on and on and on. So imagine if you will, a white male approaching middle age with the waistline to match, gasping along like a 50 year old emphysemic coming to an end of an illustrious chain smoking career, lumbering with the grace of an aged elephant with an arthritic hip and turf toe and you’ll imagine me! After four glorious weeks of leisure where a multitude of anatomical muscles were saying “I could get used to this”, I jumped up and hit the pavement. They began screaming “What the f**k is happening here? Hey idiot, back on the couch!” You would think after just being off only a month it would be like jumping back on the bike you fell off of, easy as that! Not so my friends, running…..it’s not for pussies anymore! Maybe I should quit!

As I trudged along I vaguely remembered the days of getting back to a svelte 155 and running along with the speed of a backward gazelle, I was never a fast runner. This run however, carrying around a weight of 1*3 pounds (you really thought I’d admit it, fill in the asterisk yourself smart ass), I think I topped out at a lightening speed of 3.14159 mph. Wait…..isn’t that Pi? Make mine pecan or cherry extra whipped cream! I had to endure the laughter and cackling of passerby’s in their cars and on foot, heckling from other more fit runners, and dodging the patches of ice and snow still lingering on the sidewalks and roadways. More than once did I step on what looked like slush only to find it an icy death patch ready to take me down onto my butt or head. What’s the difference between the two, besides one is up the other anyway so it would be a combined injury upon being reported to the paramedics.

Alas I have returned safely with calves screaming louder than Axl Rose in his GNR days, trembling quads, and hips sorer than your grampie’s on a good day! Now I’m trying to decide whether to collapse into a quivering mound of flesh in the fetal position in a corner sucking my thumb crying like a baby only to be discovered later by my wife screaming “Did I not say quitting is not an option, damn you” or be a man and go on to work!

I went to work! And after the soreness subsides and I recover, I will probably go do it again!

PS This is the kind of crap I think up when I DON’T listen to my MP3 player while running!

PPSS If anyone finds something that looks like an upper lobe of a right pulmonary organ on the sidewalk, put it on ice and let me know. I’ll need that back!!

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